Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
