My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
