he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
