YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i permit you to call me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
