I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if only i could text you this smell
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
