It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
sex in a hospital.. check
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
