First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish you could order shots online.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
