we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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