Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
