He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
