Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
