I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
