I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
