yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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