Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
