Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
