I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
