i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
