He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
