this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
