i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
