At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
