I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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