just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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