They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
