Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
