I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
