cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
