I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
