She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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