Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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