i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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