So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
