That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
