I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
