Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
