with your own penis?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
