I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
where are my eyebrows?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
