did you get engaged???
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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