Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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