Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
