Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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