Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
