I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
