we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
