I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
