I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
