i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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