the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My vagina is very pro this idea
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
