not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the room spins SO much faster in panama
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
