went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
