I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
