Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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