Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
