If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
