I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
