I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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